The past couple weeks have been an adventure for me. Hard on some levels and definitely eye opening. Matthew was able to attend a men's retreat (Man Camp) with his dad a couple weekends ago. While I was glad he was able to go, be refreshed, spend some quality time with the Lord and with his dad, it opened my eyes to a couple things that I need to work on as a wife.
The first thing that I have had to repent of is resentment. The week leading up to his retreat I kept catching myself with these thoughts-
"I hope he appreciates the fact that I am going to be parenting the boys all by myself this weekend so he can go have fun,"or "When is it going to be MY time to get away for a whole weekend to relax."
Instead of cutting these thoughts down as soon as they popped into my head, I allowed them to sit and fester. To grow into feelings of resentment, selfishness and self pity. Not pretty Rachel, not pretty.
The weekend was hard for me on many levels. My youngest was really clingy and needy because he didn't understand why Daddy was gone, I was hormonal and much more irritable and emotional then normal AND I was allowing my thoughts to be focused on myself and my "sacrifice" on my husbands behalf.
As you can imagine by the time Matthew got home Sunday night I was a crying, ugly mess of a woman. I took myself off to our bedroom, shut the door and confessed to the Lord that I did not handle my sinful thoughts in a Godly way. How thankful I am that the Lord was and is gracious and compassionate with me during times like these. Times when I massively fail. Times when I choose to savor my sinful thoughts instead of killing them dead. Times when I turn my focus off of Him and others and onto myself.
Having him gone all weekend sure opened my eyes to how much I need and value him at a husband and a father. I truly appreciate the way he actively fathers our boys. Most nights after dinner you can find him upstairs playing with the boys, talking with them about how much Jesus loves them and how much we love them. He enjoys taking them out on adventures and introducing them to new things. Both boys sure love their dad!!!
It also revealed to me just how much I count on him. He does so much around here. He makes me laugh when I am feeling down, he pitches in around the house and he help keep my focus on Jesus when I get stuck focusing on earthly things.
Even though the weekend was hard for me, I am so glad he was able to go.The time was refreshing and relaxing for him. He came home with some good ideas on ways we can parent and love our boys better. He had some fun, quality time with his Dad and some other friends from his childhood. Even though my attitude wasn't great most of the time he was gone, the Lord still blessed the weekend.
I am truly thankful for my husband and have been trying to make the effort to tell him more often just how much I appreciate him. Especially for the little things that he does. I know for me, it is always nice to hear from my family or friends that they are thankful for something I have said or done for them. Our home is much more joyous when we all choose to be thankful for each other as well as the many blessings the Lord has gifted us with.
When was the last time you told your spouse you were thankful for something they did or said? I challenge you in the coming weeks to go over board in giving out thanks to your spouse. Show that you really do appreciate them!
