Commitment

I wanted to start by saying thank you all for your support, encouragement and prayers. This blog has reached more people then I ever thought and I have been getting a lot of positive feedback which is encouraging!!! My desire is to challenge, encourage and support those of you who want to build a more healthy, Christ centered marriage!

My last post was scary for me to write and put onto the internet. While I know I am not the only one who struggles with technology addiction, sometimes I have felt alone in this struggle and unsure what to do about it. I want to report back to you all that it is getting a bit easier each day. It has also helped to be accountable to someone else. My friend checks up on me several times a week. She also tells me she is praying for me in this and that encourages me a ton! I have found that my time on the internet is easier to control then checking my phone and responding to texts. I have been trying hard to not respond until the boys are busy playing or sleeping but sometimes I have failed. I think a period of fasting and praying might help me in this struggle so that is my goal this week. For those of you who regularly text me, please expect for my responses to be slower then normal at times.

Ok lets move on to what I have been thinking about lately! If you have been married for more then a year or two, you know that there are times when you don't feel love for your spouse. There have been periods in our marriage where I have not been "In Love" with my husband or even been "In Like" with him. It hurts to say it but its true.

Usually these periods of time occur after a disagreement or a time of increased stress for one or both of us. It is during times like these when the World will tell you to divorce. If you don't feel love for someone then its time to move onto greener pastures. Since marriage is "all about love" and the feelings love bring, if those feelings are gone then move on. I would like to say that I have never had these thoughts before but that would be a lie. There was a period of time in our marriage when life was hard and all I wanted to do was to run away.

"What made me stay," you might ask? Two things- The Holy Spirit and Commitment. When I think about the word commitment it also makes me think of the word VOW. In the Bible, marriage is a Vow between two people. Marriage is a picture of Christ and the Church and because of this fact, marriage is to be a lifelong commitment. Now Christ is perfect and we are most definitely not which is why we need His help every second of everyday. When we find ourselves and our marriages in periods of struggle and hurt, it is so important to fix our eyes on Christ and remember that He has committed/vowed Himself to us and will enable us to keep our vow to our spouse. 

I think one of the most attractive things about my husband is that I know he is 100% committed to me and I can say the same. Even though I might not be "in love" with him every day of our marriage I CAN say that I am fully committed to him as a sister in Christ and as his wife. 

When we enter into times of struggle, miscommunication, stress, hurt, etc... it is so easy for me to start thinking of our marriage as just a partnership. In partnerships both parties pull their own weight. Each person does their "part" to make things work. This isn't how healthy, Biblical marriages are suppose to work. We have to get it out of our heads that as long as we each do our role, then things will work out. There has to be more, much more!

As I was running early this morning, I had a lot of time to think about our vow and commitment to each other. I also had time to reflect on my relationship with Christ. Christ loves me regardless of what I do or don't do. As His child there is nothing I can do to earn His love either. I still don't fully understand how He can love me that way but slowly I am getting a better understanding of this truth. When I find myself thinking of our marriage in terms of a partnership it fails because I put the focus on what we are each doing and the feelings, positive or negative that come from that. When I remember that our marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship with the Church and it isn't dependent on what I do or don't do, or what Matthew does or doesn't do, it brings a new level of trust and commitment. We realize that there will be times the other person can't give as much or vise versa. 

When those feeling of love aren't there and we want to run away or pretend that nothing is wrong, we have to remind ourselves that Christ's love for us is unconditional and just because we might not feel loved by Him or close to Him, Christ is always right there waiting for us to renew relationship with Him. My prayer for myself and for you this week is to remember that even thought the feelings of love might come and go in marriage, that Christ will strengthen us to keep our commitment to our spouse. It is only with the help of the Holy Spirit that we can walk through those seasons of hurt and struggle. By keeping our focus on Christ and remembering to let Him meet our every need, it allows our spouse the freedom to be the imperfect person that they are. The same goes for me as well.

Unplugged

This post is going to be a challenge for me in more ways then one. You see this idea has been one that I have been wrestling with for a long time now. It is one that is going to take great self control to accomplish because if I am really honest with myself, I have to admit that I have an addiction. 

I can trace the start of my addiction to a period of time two and a half years ago when Austin was born. We had recently purchased a Ipad and while I was nursing Austin I would sit down and search the internet. When you nurse 8 times a day for 30-40 minutes that adds up to a lot of internet browsing. 4 hours a day plus other times I would jump on to look up a recipe, check out Facebook, check the news, etc....

My addiction is technology/Internet.

I log on to escape doing chores. I log on to escape the demands that motherhood bring, I even log on to escape having conversations/spending time with my Husband. Man when I write it out it sure sounds and looks ugly doesn't it?

A couple weeks ago when I committed to praying for my spouse and my marriage every day, the Lord was faithful to reveal this ugly truth to me. I was not just getting online to veg out and relax after a long day but I was also doing it to avoid the "work" required to make a marriage strong.

So last week I reached out to a close friend of mine and asked if she could help keep me accountable to spending only 30 minutes a day browsing online. I have had a couple days where I have failed but I have also had successful days and that has been encouraging to me.

Matthew and I went to a parenting class yesterday at church and the topic of getting rid of the unnecessary things in life that distract us from being fully present with our children came up. I was convicted yet again of the countless times I have told my children to wait for something because Mommy needed to send this text, send this email, look up this certain thing, etc....

While I realize that spending time on the internet isn't necessarily a bad thing, the amount of time you spend and who is neglected in the process can have eternal consequences. When I die and my husband and children think on memories of me, what do I want them to remember? I certainly don't want them remembering me always with my phone in my hand or staring at the computer screen all day long. I want them to remember that I was always talking about Jesus, His love for them, how much I love them and how we can love and serve others better. 

I have made a decision to drastically cut back on the time I spend checking my phone and doing things on the internet. Especially in the evenings after the kids go to bed. Matthew and I can both easily zone out and be in our own little internet world all evening which obviously isn't healthy. It also doesn't encourage communication or intimacy which are both vital components to a healthy and happy marriage.

"So how are you going to cut back?" you might ask. I will check my phone when I wake up to see if I have any messages and then put it away until after Austin goes down for a nap. I will check it again and respond to any messages. I won't look at it again until after the boys go to bed and then I will only spend 30 minutes or less an evening responding to messages, looking up something, viewing Facebook, watching YouTube, etc... I know this  might sound drastic but I need to put a lot of bounderies on myself right now. If people really need to talk to me they can call right?

I am looking forward to seeing the positive changes that will take place in my family over the next few weeks and months because of these bounderies. I am praying that in time, my addiction and desire to escape reality will fade and that my desire to spend more time with the Lord and with my family will increase (not that I don't desire those things now, I just know it can always be better!)

Thanks again for reading! As always my prayer is that at least one person reading will be encouraged or challenged to make changes to better their marriage. I also think its important to know that other people struggle in areas we do as well. When we are vulnerable and bring to light the areas that hold us captive, we experience freedom, grace and allow others to know they aren't alone.